This is the first update to this post, in which I decided, as a non-pot-smoker, to smoke every day for 30 days (weekends potentially excluded) to see what happens.
As is usually the case with these types of experiments, there isn’t much to update yet.
I smoked every day last week Monday-Friday and didn’t really enjoy it much at all. My tolerance is still very low, meaning I get too high, and when this happens, I’m all up in my head about the dumbest little things. I guess this is good practice for really staying in the present moment and not worrying about the past or future, because at this point while high, my mind wanders almost uncontrollably out of the present moment. If I can stay firmly rooted in the present while high, doing so at other times will become much easier.
The first two days I tried smoking in the morning before I sat down to do my work. It was almost basically a wasted two hours since I wasn’t able to think straight. However, I had the thought that trying to do difficult things while high is almost like running with weights on your ankles. It’s difficult at first, but if you get used to it then take off the weights (i.e. do work sober), it’ll be really easy and you’ll float along like a boss. Or maybe not.
After the first two days, I smoked at night a while before bed then sat and read or meditated. Now this could be a viable practice: smoking then meditating. It was a complete breeze achieving a deeply relaxed physical state, and I was able to come up with some creative ideas for the things I’m working on, which I subsequently recorded on my little voice recorder. Incidentally, a little voice recorder is a great thing to have on the bed table to remember to-do’s, insights, dreams, or whatever. Incidentally x2, I’m always scared when I listen to the recordings to transcribe them that I’ll find a recording I made in my sleep in a strange voice that will be really dark and scary. Hasn’t happened yet, praise be unto Allah.
It’s funny – I was reflecting the other day that I may be the only person in the world who is smoking pot every day out of a sense of duty, not even enjoying it. Funny, sad, stupid, whatever. Sue me.
As mentioned in the first post in this series, pot tends to make people more introspective, more aware of their actions and the motivations behind those actions. These can be uncomfortable revelations.
For a hypothetical example, Stu gives a homeless guy a dollar. He feels good about it and thinks he did a good, unselfish thing. But upon reflection, he realizes he really didn’t want to give the guy a dollar but succumbed to the pressure, didn’t want to deal with the guy’s reaction if he didn’t give him a dollar, and didn’t want to seem heartless in front of the girl he was walking with. So he wasn’t really doing something for the sake of doing it to help someone, but rather to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
This kind of thinking can drive one mad, as I’m sure it has done for many throughout history. But in small, calculated doses, intensive introspection and self-analysis can be a good thing, a consciousness-expanding exercise that makes one more aware of himself. For me, pot helps with this kind of thinking, uncomfortable as it may be.
Really, I’m not quite sure what to make of it all yet…
You can read the second update here.