What’s Your Life Story?

It’s easy to hate someone right off the bat. Certain people just rub us the wrong way. They annoy us and piss us off.

Although I’ve been pretty polite for the most part for most of my life (with the exception of a few phases), I’ve always met people who just rub me the wrong way immediately. I don’t want to associate with them and I have no desire to be polite to them. I just want them to get the fuck out of my face.

Not only is it easy to hate people, but it’s natural. Our human nature is to be repelled by those who are different from us. As human animals, it’s evolutionarily advantageous to stick with your kind. There’s an immediate bond of similarity, of homogeneity among different races, sexes, cultures, social statuses, and anything else you can think of. Because of that bond, you have a higher chance of survival if you stick with your own kind and avoid those who are very different from yourself.

Although it’s human nature, it has become somewhat obsolete, at least in first world countries where life is generally pretty comfortable and safe.

If you can find a way to be more tolerant of those who are different from you and even feel some level of love for them, your own life becomes better. Negative thoughts are replaced by positive ones. Hate is replaced by love.

I know I sound like a dirty, stinking hippie right now…and there I go. Judging hippies. Oops. I’m a bit judgmental by nature like most people.

My point is, not being so judgmental of others has a direct, positive effect on your own life. So if you don’t want to do it for the sake of others, do it for yourself.

The way I’ve found is the easiest to curb my own judgmental nature is to realize I never have the full story. If I knew everything a person had experienced in his life, it would be very difficult to feel hatred for him. Now, a few examples.

The grotesquely obese guy. Maybe his parents never encouraged him to get into sports as a kid and just fed him the same processed, sugar-filled shit their fat parents fed them, leading to fatness as a young child before he ever had a choice in the matter. In this man’s mind, it’s beyond impossible to lose weight. Even though that’s not true, it’s a deep-seated belief he’s had his whole life through no fault of his own. He’s self-conscious about his fatness and lacks social confidence as a result. This man doesn’t need the additional weight (see what I did there?) of strangers judging him, and if you can find a way not to judge him, even though it’s human nature, you’ll feel good about yourself.

The overt, obnoxious asshole at the bar. Loud, rude, egotistical. Maybe he was always bullied as a kid, always felt stupid, weak, and inferior to others. His parents always yelled at him and made him feel he was a burden to them. Then all of a sudden he got tired of it and swung all the way to the other side of the spectrum. He’s in the middle of a phase necessary for him to become a complete man in the future, and will think back and feel a bit bad about being such an asshole for those years. Granted there’s no excuse for being an asshole, but if you knew the back story, you would at least understand where he’s coming from.

The young girl who goes out dressed like a prostitute, gets drunk, and has sex with lots of random guys. Maybe she was ugly growing up, none of the boys were interested in her and they all made fun of her acne. She had no self-esteem and was overly introverted and depressed as a result. All of a sudden her acne goes away, she gets in shape, and her face matures into a pretty one. Now guys are sexually interested in her, and she’s swung all the way to the other end of the spectrum, a necessary phase for her to become a balanced woman in the future. If you knew the back story, you’d at least understand where she’s coming from.

When I catch myself being judgmental, I try to think about all of the life experiences that could have led the person to this point in his or her life. Just wondering about that person’s life story makes it easy not to hate, and in some cases, to feel a certain love for the person, even as a stranger. After all, we’re just humans fumbling our way through life, making mistakes and learning along the way.

I’m not saying go out and love everyone and try to be friends with everyone. Personally, I don’t befriend blacks or hispanics, for example, just because…well the color of their skin is so different from my yellow skin that the colors clash and we look ridiculous together.

Kidding, obviously. I don’t befriend them because they’re all criminals.

Kidding again – ha!

Seriously though, I’m not saying go out and become friends with everyone. Be selective with whom you let into your life. But being overly judgmental of people only hurts you personally. It impinges on your own happiness in ways it may not be possible to understand until you stop doing it.

That said, I still judge people. Often I can’t help it. If someone is rude to me for no reason it’s difficult for me not to react negatively. But I’m getting better, and each time I successfully avoid judging someone or hating someone or letting someone rub me the wrong way when I know nothing of that person, I feel good about myself. The person feels better about himself. It’s not only avoiding the snowball effect of negative energy, but turning it into positive energy and letting that snowball instead.

And if you generally hate this kind of hippie stuff, I challenge you to hate these hippies:

YUMMY