You start your car 20 minutes before you have to leave for work, otherwise the day would be off to an even more miserable start, your breath fogging up the windshield while you duck and try to see the hazy road through the small clearing in the frost, directly above the flow of air that probably won’t heat up until around the time you’re ready to get out of your car again.
The temperature is in the teens, it’s pitch black when you leave your house, and it’ll be pitch black when you return after a long day at the office. There’s no snow. Just dreary winter weather with seemingly dead trees, dead grass, dead everything. Even the sky, with its sad gray face, looks dead. Welcome to New England, land of the dead, home of the dead.
You can see it in people’s faces too. They’re miserable, shuffling about the streets, bundled up, obviously not caring about how they look, just trying anything to reduce the amount of pain endured in the brutal winter. They look ridiculous. They look sad. They are sad.
You have your winter hat, your gloves, and all your layers of clothes, but the frosty arctic breeze penetrates them all, not giving a sh*t about how she breaks your heart. What a frosty c*nt. That lucky bitch will blow south in no time, soon to be blowing through palm fronds near the beach, blowing some sand onto a gigantic, fake tit on South Beach, attached to a dark-skinned, bleach-blonde slut with an ass so righteous that your dick wants to wear it as a sombrero.
It’s tough, nearly impossible, not to feel a bit down in the winter here, or other places where it’s equally or more cold. As an aside, how the hell do people live in places like North Dakota or that country up north, what’s it called, oh yeah “Canada”? You can’t be all there, mentally, if you choose to live somewhere like that. Maybe they’re all masochists. I don’t know. I honestly don’t care. Anyway, as I was saying…
It’s tough, nearly impossible, not to feel a bit down in the winter here. You underestimate how important the sun is in your biological functions that lead to natural happiness. When you don’t get enough sun, and I’m not even talking sunbathing, just some kind of exposure (decent exposure), your biochemistry conspires to make you sad.
This is my last winter in Connecticut, and New England (12-27-13 update: I’m still here, but happy – amazing how important your mindset is). I’m putting it out there right now: I’ve had enough. It’s been fun, but it’s gotten quite old, and I’m ready to return to my roots in Florida, or at least somewhere kind of warm. Don’t get me wrong – I love Connecticut, but only from mid-April through mid-October. I only love it here half the time. And I don’t mind 105 degree heat with 100% humidity. It makes me feel alive, and I don’t mind being really moist.
If you also have trouble being happy in the winter, I suggest you do what I do: drink heavily until it’s over. I’m kidding – I actually don’t drink at all anymore. I’ll write a post about that. What I do is just realize that without the brutal winters, we wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate the nice weather when it arrives. I mean it – when spring and summer come, we Connecticutters (such a stupid word) and other New Englanders are fully able to appreciate the warmth and the sun and the breeze and the way the leaves sound when the wind blows through them. Not that silver-haired, wrinkled, arctic c*nt, but a beautiful, brown-haired sweetheart who makes your heart flutter when she brushes past you.
As I finished this post and went outside, I saw it had been snowing. Finally, some snow! At least now, while I shuffle down the street looking ridiculous and sad, I have something pretty to look at.