Giving Advice

One of my flaws was (is 🙁 ) that I was (am 🙁 ) always trying to give advice. I think it’s a male trait, that we always want to fix things.

Giving advice without being expressly asked for it is always terrible idea. And it’s still usually a terrible idea even when asked.

People don’t want our advice. They just want our sympathy. And if they seem to be looking for advice, they’re actually just looking for advice that agrees with what they think they should do.

There aren’t many things more annoying in life than people trying to give us advice when we don’t want it, like they know what’s best for us.

I used to be one of those annoying people who are always offering advice. It’s embarrassing to think about.

Nowadays I’m more likely to say, “Well that sucks. Really sorry to hear that.” And with immense willpower, I suppress the nagging urge to offer any advice whatsoever.

Sometimes if the advice I have is really good, I’ll say, “Are you asking for advice?” If the answer is yes, and it usually is, then I can get my fix and offer a slice of my finite wisdom. But first I’ll say, “Well, what do you think you should do?” The person usually knows what to do, but just doesn’t trust it. And if he doesn’t, I’ll offer my golden nuggets free of charge.

At least nowadays I accept that people will not follow the advice I give, ever, unless it’s the advice they wanted to hear. In the past I’d be frustrated because I knew what was best for that person.

The truth is, I didn’t, and I still don’t. Neither do you. We don’t know shit. No one knows what’s best for others. It’s for them to figure out, and if they never do, so be it. Their lives to live.

Of course, some of what’s written on this site can be construed as advice. I know readers probably won’t listen. These are just my ideas, and some of the ideas offered in the self-development-type posts really, truly work for me. They won’t work for everyone, but I know some people read it and think, “Huh. Interesting.” And maybe they’ll do something that makes their lives a little better, something they otherwise would not have done. And that makes me a happy little boy.

So, my advice to you is: stop giving advice.

Or not. You figure it out.

Or not.