Morning (Version II)

This is an alternate version of this post, which you should read first if you haven’t already.

The peepee yellow sun rises slowly above the horizon, its vomit orange rays illuminating the quiet forest with its ancient trees, their diarrhea brown trunks and snot green leaves slowly coming to life in the soft, flaccid light.

The gag-inducing smell of the detritus fills her booger-encrusted nostrils with the essence of warm garbage, causing her to smile and expose her three remaining yellowed teeth as she sighs and exhales her putrid cigarette and coffee breath up into the tree branches, which would puke if they could. She raises her near-expired cigarette to her cracked, thin lips and takes a last drag, then coughs and spits out sticky yellow phlegm, some of which remains hanging from her hairy chin, unbeknownst to her, eventually dripping down onto her mustard- and sweat-stained undershirt, adding another shade of color between the sagging, bra-less breasts which hang just above the sloppy, cellulite-ridden stomach that pokes out below the bottom of her shirt.

As she flicks the cigarette butt into the dirt and steps on it with her callused, bare foot, a lone sparrow shits onto her head and she simultaneously farts involuntarily, spattering out a few squirts of diarrhea through her shorts and onto the ground, although she doesn’t realize it. In response to the unlucky cranial defecation reception, she exclaims in her cigarette-hardened voice, “Cot dayum mutherfukkin piecea cot dayum fuckin’ sheeit!” She farts again. Her ejaculation echoes through the forest, startling a pair of leper-skin-flake-gray doves who leave their perch, each one taking a big goopy shit at the exact same moment. In mid-air, the two shits become one and land directly on the woman’s wrinkled frown, causing her to barf into a bush and involuntarily shart for the second time. The breeze, cool as a corpse, whispers like a rapist through the forest, and so another day begins.